Star Magazine claims to have an “insider” who has told them that there are legal papers that dictate the contact Nicole Kidman can have with Connor and Isabella, her children with Tom Cruise. It’s been speculated that the reason Kidman is rarely seen with her older kids isn’t because she’s not a loving mother, but because she’s been pushed out of their lives by Cruise and his Scientology minions.

In the Jan. 5 issue of Star — on sale Dec. 24 — we report that Tom had special papers drawn up shortly after his split from Nicole that carefully spelled out all the details of his wife’s visitation rights, according to an insider who’s familiar with the documents.

The highly confidential agreement — kept under lock and key at the office of one of Tom’s lawyers — limits the time Nicole sees the kids, how much exposure she can have with them and when overnight visits are allowed, says the insider. “She doesn’t go anywhere with those kids without Tom’s say-so.”

Although Tom’s rep denies it, it’s not just Nicole’s physical interactions with the teenagers that are monitored. All her calls to Tom’s house are documented, and no correspondence occurs between them without Tom’s knowledge — and that includes e-mails, reveals the insider.

[From Star Magazine]

Star isn’t the most reality based tabloid on the newstands, but similar rumors about custody of the Cruise children have been floating around since the couple split in 2001. You wonder what kind of dirt Tom has on Nicole that would prompt her to agree to that kind of arrangement. The Scientology cult regularly collects sensitive and damning information on its members as part of the indoctrination process.

The prospect of actual written documents that are this detailed and controlling add a new aspect to the story. Both Tom and Nicole were absent from the premiere of Seven Pounds, the first film their son Connor appears in. Tom was out promoting his movie and some people gave him a pass for that, but Nicole didn’t seem to have a reason to stay away. If contact between Nicole and her children is as controlled as Star claims, Nicole could have been told that since Cruise wouldn’t be there to play doting father, she couldn’t show up and look better than him. It’s all about appearance with Cruise and he makes damn sure he’s never out-parented by Kidman in the eyes of the public.

Katie Holmes must know that this is her future too if things don’t last forever with Tom. She bore the blood heir to the throne so she doesn’t stand a chance of being there for Suri as she grows up if her marriage were to end.

Tom Cruise is shown at the Valkyrie premiere on 12/18/08. Credit: SAC/Fame Pictures. Nicole Kidman is shown at a photocall for Australia on 12/2/08. Credit: WENN

Would you like some meat-scented man perfume with that?

Burger King is running an even weirder ad campaign with their King mascot than the one where people woke up to see his frozen face smiling at them in bed. After seeing that commercial I had what can only be described as a nightmare involving that massive head in my bed. I was afraid to wake up.

Now, the King is promoting a new cologne that features the subtle undertones of Whopper. The “scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat” campaign has the big-headed, perma-creepy-grin King in nothing but a carefully placed blanket lying on a bearskin rug in front of a roaring fire, in full 70s Playgirl fashion. It’s hard to get past huge and deeply disturbing King head to see the hot body, but I managed.

While fast-food chains aren’t exactly best known for selling signature fragrances, on Sunday The Home of the Whopper rolled out a men’s body spray called Flame by BK. The 5-ml bottles are available for sale in Ricky’s stores in New York City and on a dedicated Web site, firemeetsdesire.com.

On firemeetsdesire.com, Burger King takes pains make satire of the “sexy is serious” stylings of other fragrance campaigns, offering this description of the scent against a chic black background: “The WHOPPER sandwich is America’s favorite burger. FLAME by BK captures the essence of that love and gives it to you. Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat.”

As with any decent marketing stunt, the whole Flame campaign has stoked the embers of opinion among fans and critics alike.

“I would not wear it out of principle,” said 23-year-old Mike G., after seeing the slim silver package sporting art of a flaming heart. “It’s from Burger King. I would never wear a cologne from a fast-food restaurant. It actually angers me slightly. I mean, the packaging says heartburn — what are they trying to say?”

[From MSNBC]

Quoted detractor Mike G. seems to be in the minority. Ricky’s, a NY based novelty drugstore, has reported that the cologne has completely sold out at all of their retail locations. There are going to be plenty of guys in the Big Apple getting Flame in their stockings this year.

I must admit, if I could walk into my local BK and buy a bottle for a gag stocking stuffer, I would. My husband would seriously wear the stuff and keep sniffing himself, though, so it’s probably best that the Whopper-inspired scent isn’t available at the fast-food restaurants. For those of us outside of New York City, our only alternative is to order the stuff online and the in-demand spray won’t get here by Christmas. I don’t think Santa has any inside contacts at fast food chains, either.

You can learn more about this fragrance on FlameMeetsDesire.com.

Note: This is not an advertisement and we were not contacted or paid by Burger King to mention this.

Somebody has too much time and money to be let out alone on the vast marketplace that is eBay. As we recently reported, Scarlett Johansson blew her nose into a tissue during a recent Tonight Showvisit, and what should have gone directly into the trash went directly up for auction on eBay. Unbelievably, and rather disgustingly if you ask me, the item sold with a final price of $5,300.

Times may be tough all over this holiday season, but that didn’t stop an anonymous bidder from digging deep into their pockets to place the winning bid of $5,300 on Scarlett Johansson’s used tissue!

Last week, a sniffly and sneezy ScarJo appeared on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. the actress explained to Jay that she had likely caught the bad cold from her Spirit co-star Samuel L. Jackson. She told Leno that for this reason, her cold had some “value,” and after the host offered her a tissue for a bit of nose-blowing, it was decided that the snotty bit of flimsy paper should be auctioned off on eBay, with all proceeds from the auction to benefit USA Harvest.

[From OK! Magazine]

When I first heard that this gross little piece of Johansson was going to be auctioned off, the first thing that sprang to mind was The Big Bang Theory. On a recent episode, the character Sheldon is given a napkin that Leonard Nimoy wiped his mouth with at dinner. It was autographed, as well, but that wasn’t the part Sheldon was freaking out about, it was the DNA. All he needed was a suitable ovum, and he would have his very own little Mr. Spock.

Quite frankly, if it wasn’t someone with creepy DNA intentions that bought Scarlett’s snot rag, I’m even more disturbed. The only saving grace of this story is that the proceeds from the auction are going to charity. Bidding for the item on eBay was by pre-approved, anonymous bid. The snipers were hard at work, as the price jumped from $4,050 to the final $5,300 in the last minute.

Charity and giving come in many shapes and sizes, especially during the holidays. Parents all over the world wrestle with the same conundrum Ralphie’s did in A Christmas Story over the coveted Red Rider BB Gun, but David Spade was happy to put fifty AR-15 rifles under the Phoenix Police Department’s Christmas tree.

Spade said he wanted to make the donation after seeing a TV news report about Phoenix officers having to buy their own rifles. Spade grew up in the Phoenix area and graduated from Arizona State University.

Phoenix Police Sgt. Alan Hill says the rifles will be given to patrol officers and that the agency was grateful for the gifts.

“These guys need to be able to do their jobs and I am just happy I could help,” Spade said in a statement released by his publicist

[From AP via Breitbart]

I live in the country, so my knowledge about how badly city cops need high powered rifles is limited to Law & Order. But if the guns are something they need in the line of duty, it’s more than a little disturbing that the officers were having to buy them themselves. While most people are thinking about blankets for the homeless, toys for tots, and other more “holiday” sounding charities, I guess the occasional multiple high powered weapons donation is important sometimes, too.

The great part about this, though, is that Spade hasn’t gone so Hollywood that he doesn’t know what’s going on in his hometown. It’s good to hear someone giving back, even if it isn’t warm and cuddly gifts. He obviously still pays attention to what’s going on “back home” and cares enough to do more than read about it.

It feels weird to feel this way about lethal weapons, but I do feel warm and fuzzy about this Christmas gift.

David Spade is shown at the premiere of Bedtime Stories on 12/18/08. Credit: PRPhotos

Don King knows boxing. As the promoter of most of the top level professional boxing matches in Las Vegas, King has witnessed some of the best in the business not only hit like a pro, but duck like one, too. When King saw the President’s reflexes in ducking that flying shoe, King undoubtedly saw dollar signs light up in front of his eyes.

The boxing guru was so impressed with Bush’s shoe evasion tactics over the weekend, that he gave a statement to TMZ saying, “Bush has unbelievable reflexes … he can stick and move like a boxer!”

King, who is currently in the middle of a huge charity event in Florida, even came up with a trademark rhyme — calling the duck-and-move, “Aggression but with protection.”

[From TMZ.com]

You know Don King is readying a presentation for January 21st to deliver to Bush to try to get him in the ring. He could hype it it as a big charity event like Michael Lohan did. Offering the opportunity to get in the ring with George Bush would raise millions… hell, it may even finance the recent bailouts. Nations would pool together to pony up the money to put someone in the ring with W. It would be epic.

Of course this will never happen. It’s just fun to consider the possibilities.

George Bush is shown making a speech on 3/14/08. Don King is shown at the Angel Ball on 10/29/07. Credit: PRPhotos.

Sherri Shepherd of The View is disappointed at the lack of black cast members on Saturday Night Live. Sherri, who’s not exactly on the Mensa waiting list, mentions something that has long been an issue with critics, but she does it in a surprisingly topical and relevant way. Shepherd points out that there aren’t even enough black people on the show to do an accurate spoof of her show, The View. There is only one current cast member who is black, Kenan Thompson, and he plays Whoopi when they do a View parody. Sherri’s presence is non-existent in send-ups of the daytime talk show. She blames this on Saturday Night Live casting.

Of the 90 or so actors to grace the “SNL” stage since its 1975 premiere, only eight have been African-American. And that’s an issue for “The View” co-host Sherri Shepherd.

In an AOL interview, she points out that there aren’t even enough African-Americans for a proper skit of her ABC daytime show. While Thompson portrays co-host Whoopi Goldberg, Shepherd’s character is simply left out of the sketch.

“Couldn’t they have gotten Maya Rudolph to play me?” Shepherd asked. “She is so awesome! They need more black people in their cast!”

“I agree with her,” Baron Vaughn, a black comic, told the New York Daily News. Diversity “doesn’t seem to be something that interests them.”

“Plenty of black people that I know have been on ‘SNL,’ and they haven’t been utilized to the best of their abilities. As much as I love Fred Armisen, there needs to be someone who can do a better Barack [Obama],” Vaughn added.

[From EURweb.com]

I agree that the cast of SNL is lacking in diversity and isn’t able to use their talent well. It often seems like the only use they’ve found for black comedians, both now and in the past, is as impersonating other people of color or as highly stereotypical black characters like Nat X, Ladies Man, and Eddie Murphy’s Mister Robinson’s Neighborhood.

What I can’t totally back up is the insistence that Saturday Night Live find a strictly black cast member to play Barack Obama. Obama has a multi-ethnic background, so demanding another cast member based solely on race makes no sense. Fred Armisen has been the go-to guy for black characters on the show, but he’s Venezuelan, German and Japanese. Armisen plays Prince, Obama, and this last weekend, infamously portrayed New York Governor David Paterson, all black men. He’s also played Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and he’s not Middle Eastern.

The same complaint has been made about the SNL cast’s lack of women. Now that Amy Poehler has left the show, the only full fledged female cast member is Kristin Wiig, the rest of the women on the show are “featured players” and all but one of them were just recently added. Kenan Thompson, currently the only black male cast member, is recruited to play any women of color needed for a sketch.

SNL casting says “Casting is an ongoing process at the show. We are constantly looking for new people. We’ve been auditioning every couple of months or so, and we’ve seen numerous African-American performers and continue to look.”

MAD TV was recently cancelled, and Keeghan Michael Key may be looking for a job. He’d give Armisen a run for his money on Obama, too. Key’s impersonation was spot on, appearance aside.

The Screen Actors Guild is having its 120,000 members vote in January on whether they’ll strike. The reason they’re striking is similar to the writers’ strike last year - members feel they should get more compensation for internet broadcasts. In this case there appears to be clear dissent among members as whether they should strike.

More than 130 Hollywood stars including Oscar winners George Clooney, Tom Hanks, Charlize Theron, Morgan Freeman and Sally Field, joined on Monday in opposing a strike authorization vote by the Screen Actors Guild.

The A-list performers registered their opposition in a letter that circulated on the Internet as union leaders, including SAG President Alan Rosenberg, met in New York City with rank-and-file members to seek support for a strike authorization.

The letter marked the latest sign of sharp divisions within the 120,000-member union over tactics employed by Rosenberg and his allies to squeeze a better contract offer from major studios, especially for pay from work put on the Internet.

A smaller group of stars including Mel Gibson and Martin Sheen on Friday voiced support for a strike vote, while board members from SAG’s New York division came out against it.

[From Reuters]

A-list, even B-list actors are less likely to be affected by the poor contracts given to actors who are working for productions that are broadcast over the Internet. But the actors who oppose the strike vote have a very clearly directed opposition to the “threat” of a strike used as a tool to get the studios to negotiate.

“We feel very strongly that SAG members should not vote to authorize a strike at this time,” Monday’s letter stated. “We don’t think that an authorization can be looked at as merely a bargaining tool. It must be looked at as what it is — an agreement to strike if negotiations fail.”

Citing worsening economic conditions, the letter urged SAG leaders to accept as “an imperfect agreement” the studios’ latest contract proposal and to join with other Hollywood unions three years from now in pressing for better terms then.

The industry is still recovering from a 14-week strike by screenwriters that ended in February, after idling thousands of production workers and costing the local economy an estimated $3 billion.

The letter, addressed to SAG board members, officers and staff, was signed by 134 prominent film and television actors, including numerous Oscar winners and nominees.

On Friday, the governing board of SAG’s New York branch also issued a statement urging the union’s national leadership to call off its strike authorization vote, saying widespread layoffs and cutbacks had altered the labor landscape.

[From Reuters]

A strike at this point in the economy could devastate actors who are already struggling. Where the reasoning is just as valid as the screenwriter’s strike in early 2008, now is just not the economic climate to be demanding more money and potentially putting thousands of working actors on the unemployment rosters. A person should get paid fairly for the work they do, but there are precious few people who would give up a paycheck in exchange for negotiations that may or may not succeed in getting them a few extra dollars later.

Some of the actors supporting a strike are Mel Gibson, Ed Harris, Holly Hunter and Martin Sheen, as well as SAG President Alan Rosenberg.

The Daily Mail is calling it The Notting Hill Effect, but I’m calling it Hugh Grant Syndrome. Scientist have recently conducted research that proves people who watch romantic comedies are more likely to have unsatisfying love lives due to overblown expectations.

Researchers found that those who watched romantic comedies were more likely to believe in predestined love than those who preferred other genres of movie.

They were also more likely to believe that perfect relationships happen instantly, and were less likely to believe that couples need to work at relationships.

Watching just one romantic comedy is enough to sway people’s attitudes to romantic love, they found.

Dr Bjarne Holmes, who led the research, said: ‘We are not being killjoys – we are not saying that people shouldn’t watch these movies. But we are saying that it would be helpful if people were more aware and more critical of the messages in these films.

‘The problem is that while most of us know that the idea of a perfect relationship is unrealistic, some of us are still more influenced by media portrayals than we realise.’

[From Daily Mail]

The study maintains that people who watch romantic comedy films are more likely to believe in fate and soulmates, and tend to be more forgiving of cheating by their lovers. Score one for the Hugh Grant Syndrome name being more accurate.

The idea is that they set themselves up for a greater fall if they succumb to the ideals put forth in stories about instant and perfect love, even when they know better. Not only do they expect love to happen quicker, but they expect more from their partners as well. It easily becomes something neither party can live up to.

I think this phenomenom pre-dates Sleepless in Seattle by hundreds of years. Maybe we should blame Hans Christian Anderson, or even the Brothers Grimm. Actually, if you read Song of Solomon in the Bible, it sounds like a script for a present day romantic movie. We have rom-coms and previous eras had fairy tales. The idea of “happily ever after” has been entrenched in our psyches for as long as there have been stories to tell.

So I guess we can’t blame it all on Hugh Grant. I’m still blaming him for my attraction to English accents, though.

Hugh Grant is shown in a still from Notting Hill and in a more realistic candid out in London on 11/17/08. Credit: WENN

Two months ago, Amy Poehler had a baby on a Saturday instead of going in to work at Saturday Night Live. We all thought that was the end of our love affair with Amy on the Saturday night sketch show, as she’d said she was going to quit after the baby was born. But we all got a happy surprise last week when the show was opened by Amy as Hillary Clinton. Even better, this week, we got a double dose of deja vu when Maya Rudolph joined Amy for an encore of Bronx Beat and in what was a final Weekend Update with Seth and Amy.

At the end of Weekend Update, which featured an interview with Fred Armisen as New York Governor David Paterson, Amy began a heartfelt, and very near tearful, announcement that it was her last show and express her gratitude for the “dream come true” that being on Saturday Night Live has been for her. Never a show to linger on the sentimental, however, a blind and somewhat confused “Governor Paterson” wandered into the shot just as it looked like Amy might start crying. It threw Poehler into a fit of laughter and made the rest of the thank you and goodbye bearable, both for us and for Amy.

Seth Meyer got to hug Amy goodbye at the end of Weekend Update, and I was jealous because I just wanted to hug her goodbye, too. For the first couple years Poehler was on the show, she wasn’t my favorite, but that had changed dramatically after she started co-anchoring Weekend Update with Tina Fey after Jimmy Fallon left. I loved Amy and Tina together, and Amy’s sketches started growing on me, too. I could watch Amy as Kaitlin or impersonating Sharon Osbourne all night.

Amy will be back sometime in 2009 with a new sitcom on NBC. At first it was reported to be a spin-off of The Office, but that has since been denied. Whatever it is, I hope it works out as well for her as 30 Rock has for Tina Fey. I wouldn’t miss it.

Note by Celebitchy: Here are the videos, which again are only available to US visitors. There’s a video with commentary of Amy’s departure that is available outside the US on YouTube.

New York Governor, David Paterson, is legally blind. He’s currently charged with the responsibility of replacing Hillary Clinton’s Senate seat now that she’s been chosen as Secretary of State, something that he says he takes seriously in light of the scandal with Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich allegedly trying to sell Obama’s vacant seat. With this new development comes the inevitable Saturday Night Live mocking impersonation that is standard for any politician in the national spotlight. And so, on Saturday night, Fred Armisen put on his best fake, scruffy facial hair and wandering eye and did the Governor not-so-proud.

Gov. Paterson didn’t see the humor in a “Saturday Night Live” bit that mocked his blindness.

During the “Weekend Update” segment of NBC’s irreverent comedy show, actor Fred Armisen played Paterson, imitating his wandering eye, gravelly voice and blunt, self-effacing demeanor.

But Paterson and advocates for the visually impaired didn’t appreciate stock blind jokes that had Armisen pretending to be disoriented and wandering aimlessly.

“The governor engages in humor all the time, and he can certainly take a joke,” Paterson’s spokesman, Errol Cockfield, said today.

“However, this particular ‘Saturday Night Live’ skit unfortunately chose to ridicule people with physical disabilities and imply that disabled people are incapable of having jobs with serious responsibilities.”

[From NY Post]

Advocates for the blind say that the send-up of the New York Governor gives a negative impression of blind people as independently able and therefore employable. The National Federation for the Blind says the the visually impaired have a 70% unemployment rate and that mocking the subject, like SNL has on more than one occasion, perpetuate that.

I am sensitive to their issue, to a point. I really don’t think most HR directors or small business owners take their hiring cues from SNL political spoofs. Usually things like this are blown way out of proportion as far as I’m concerned. It’s been clear for years that there’s really nothing off limits for satire when it comes to politicians on Saturday Night Live, and Governor Paterson’s blindness is just as open for over the top impersonation as Bill Clinton’s sexual indescretion or George W’s lack of… lets just leave it at “judgement” (although, he’s got wicked reflexes as seen in this weekend’s shoe ducking incident).

Note by Celebitchy: I don’t agree with SNL and personally do find it offensive when someone mocks a handicap and makes it seem more disabling than it is. It’s not necessary or funny, and Paterson has every right to express his displeasure. It is much different than making fun of infidelity, which is a voluntary behavior and a personal failing.

You can watch the videos of the skit below if you’re in the US. If you’re outside the US, like me, you’re SOL.